Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Entrepreneurialism is a Word!

There is something that we need to discuss before it gets out of hand. Today I am making sandwiches without any bread. My secret is that I am using cheese instead of bread, potato chips instead of cheese, and a super-major lot of paprika! I have eaten six already, and my cat tried very hard to eat one too. I am going to sell them over the Internet or on street corners -- I haven't decided yet -- and eventually save up the funds to start a chain. The really neat thing about them is that -- for those of you who are always on the go -- you can ball these sandwiches up in your hands and eat them in one bite! That is sandwich efficiency if there ever was such a thing. I think I will call them Paprika Sand Balls.

Oh, I almost forgot why I wanted to have this talk with you kids to begin with. I am currently accepting charitable pledges towards buying somebody a bicycle. I haven't decided who is going to get it yet, so if you are looking for a bicycle then you should be very nice to me and send me a lot of money. I think that once I have the bicycle and can really get a feel for who it is as a bicycle, only then will I know to whom it belongs. I know that sounds a lot like a brilliant master plan to "suddenly" decide that it belongs to me and just trick you idiots into buying me a bike, but mind your manners mister -- I simply won't know who should have it until I get the chance to suss it out a bit. Everything is right for somebody and, statistically speaking, large-breasted Vancouver women with low moral fiber are more likely to be right for things, for God knows what reason.

With any luck these Paprika Sand Balls will make me very rich, very quickly, and I can just buy everyone a bicycle so that I won't have to worry about it anymore. I am also working on a new method for extracting Ibuprofen from Motrin tablets, which includes far fewer steps and allows for far less accuracy. It is very efficient. I will roll up the Ibuprofen in my hands with some sap from a Willow tree and sell it on street corners. Motrin tablets are extremely cheap when you consider just how many are in a bottle, so all I've got to do to keep up my profit margin is jack up the price a smidge and sell them in single or double packs for a dollar a piece. I think I will call it Sapballprofen, and blow up a Honda in my TV commercial.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for buying me a bicycle Amanda. That is very nice of you.May candy corn rain down upon you on the road to happiness.

2:02 AM  
Blogger J. Michaels said...

"An ideal snack food for you and your cat!"

The marketing potential is fricken unlimited.

4:50 PM  

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