Monday, January 10, 2005

Hello, Stupid!

Ridiculous things are constantly happening all around us; ridiculous things are happening right now -- and I don’t simply mean that I’m writing another ‘Blog entry, because believe it or not, there are things in this world yet more disjointed, irreverent, and nonsensical than myself. Come to think of it, you may first have to achieve my level on ridiculousity (not a word) to notice the rest of the world’s fatuousness (word!) at all.

I seek it out. I don’t think I mean to, but I do seem to come across these types of things more so than the common man – that, or everybody else is just smart enough not to speak of such situations again. Working at a call center affords one the opportunity to chat with some of the most consistently ridiculous people on the face of the Earth, both on the phones and in the break room. Of course, I then come home and sign on to MSN where I’m now fairly certain that my Interweb Buddies and I actually do strive for idiocy. It’s scary to think that, eventually, somebody who today has a weblog may tomorrow be in a great position of power in this world.

Let me give you a quick rundown of some of the insanity that I’ve been a part of: I have set off explosives in a mall parking lot with absolutely no idea of how powerful they might be, but the damage was extensive; I once gave a homeless guy a burrito outside of 7-11 and wound up chillin’ with his homies in their crack den, and despite the fact that I would never try such a drug I was offended that not one of them offered me a hit; finally, I met a girl in downtown Chilliwack at 2:00 in the morning and brought her home with me in spite of her claim to have killed a girl when she was fifteen, because I figured she’s nineteen now so she hasn’t killed in goin’ on five years, which ain’t too shabby.

Despite these things, the world remains a stranger place than even the darkest recesses of my mind. Had I smoked crack in a burrito-pipe and blown up homeless girls, the Earth would still beat me by a large margin when it comes to foolishness. There are people out there who are sexually aroused by particular textures of crud building up behind toilettes, and even a few who sincerely believe that God is an old dude with a robe whose kid is on his way to bail us out for all the shit that we get our damn selves into. If anything, God’s a pissed off motherfucker who stopped bothering with us a long time ago, and Jesus is this teenage menace who possesses us to give a crap about trance music.

And I know the Bible says that Jesus was in his thirties or something when he died, so he absolutely cannot under any circumstances be a teenage menace or listen to any form of music or have a solid opinion on anything important, and my fact-checkers sure fucked that one up, and GEORGE BUSH FARTS AWFUL PUTTER-SPANK NO BLOOD FOR OIL – and you just forgot about the other thing; you guys are so easy!

The only point that I’m trying to make right now is the point that I normally make entirely by mistake and without even noticing it, and that is just that people are fucked like SO hard! I would go as far as to say that none of my generation’s children will ever reach the age of , say, fifty, because you know they’ll find some completely ridiculous, accidental, tragic and yet somehow humorous way to destroy all humanity. We might be better off to cull the kids and throw a warning label on reproduction, because otherwise we’re just fucked, and either way our only hope is to pray that somebody cures death.

Even then we’re probably pretty well screwed, since we’ll have people like our own Phillip Thrasher to endure for all time. Grah!


Die, okay? The end!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

When are you going to put up the forum again; hmmnnn???

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What does grah mean Amanda???

12:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps you need more writers Amanda.

5:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you need another writer???

6:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I make a suggestion? Why don't you post some of your drawings on your site???

3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(oY0) jiggle

1:54 AM  
Blogger J. Michaels said...

I would not be here if not for stupid stuff happening.

8:52 PM  

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