For Seriously

I love boats, but not the ocean. I love water, -- I've always been one of those freaks who loves to be in water, but just not the ocean. Not because of anything in it, not because it's so deep and scary, 'cause it's not scary at all. I dislike the ocean because it goes around the whole freaking planet, and when I look at the ocean I think, "that's it? That's all there is?"

Spiders don't scare me unless they're repelling. I don't think that has anything to do with spiders, but just that it's a small thing moving in the air. I hate birds and anything that floats or flies towards my face. The smaller they are, the less I appreciate them. I’d rather you smashed me in the nose with a brick than blew bubbles in my face.

I was never afraid of monsters in my closet when I was a kid, but I used to think they stole snacks from our kitchen. We used to leave out cookies and milk for Santa every year, and carrots for Rudolph. Somehow this put the thought in my head of magical creatures breaking into my home and raiding the cupboards. I wasn't scared, I was pissed at the fuckers.

I like to sit under the projector at the movies. I've always preferred that, right at the back under the projector. Mostly because I like to talk at the movies and there’s not a lot of people way back there. Or, mostly because I’m a freak who did it that way the first time and has to keep it perfect forever now.

Kitty is my new best friend and we’re going to make a website about balloons. We like to hang out on the floor at the supermarket and chat with our homeless friends in seedy neighborhoods. With anybody else these things would be super lame, but with Kitty they’re +100 Coolpoints. Kitty is super awesome like me.

Quirks are everything.