Thursday, February 10, 2005

Computer Science Magic

Would the world be any cooler if absolutely everybody was an enigma? If we hid absolutely everything from everyone then nobody would give a rat's ass about anybody else. It would be great because nobody would care to ask you what you were up to squatting behind the monkey bars at the school. Sometimes we might let a juicy detail slip just to fuck with somebody. Because if you knew nothing about nobody, then it would totally blow your mind for me to whisper in your ear, "I jerked off to Ariel in The Little Mermaid."

I'm a nut and if you tried to stop me I'd hit you in the nose with a water bottle. I don’t know what I’m doing, I guess. I should probably get on Amazon and buy a book on being cool. It's too late, though. I should have done that a long time ago. Now I’ll need a book on desperately hoping to retain an air of mystery. Nobody uses paper journals anymore because they don't come with comments pages. What's the point of having a thought if there's nobody around to validate it for you? What if it’s not good enough? I need to stop writing in fragments, or it won’t be good enough.

If all else fails I’ll just create a series of users like “christophrocks” and “ilovemcfloss” to post flattering comments about myself. When that time comes you’ll probably bring up how I flat-out told you in this entry that I would do that, but I’ll just deny it. Even when you present me with a link to this entry, I will blame it on the Blaster@Master computer virus. “It’s out to get me, The Christoph. Those damned Iraqis.”

At least I'm slightly less cynical than before. If there is one thing the Internet is responsible for that I can't claim to thoroughly love, it's the ability for everyone and their dog to bitch about everybody else's dogs. When exactly did cynicism become cool, anyhow? Who made that decision? I think we’re all to blame -- every last one of us. You’re desensitized and you’re not quite sure what to do with it. If you do know what to do, it probably isn’t the greatest thought you’ve ever had. There’s always another corner to careen around at a thousand light years per second. Some day you’re going to wonder why you didn’t just ask for directions. The look on your face at that moment, man. Beautiful.


Blogger Aaron said...

Comment pages truly are things of evil. Every time you see a big fat "0" staring at you, or when you finally see "1" show up and you check and it's just Phil saying how much he misses that damned Cookie, your heart just sinks to your chest. There are phases. First, it's too cool to care. Then, secret wishing but public denial. Next, absolute desperation. This is when you start to wonder if you could post comments anonymously on your own posts and if anyone would catch on. Finally, you lose all hope and stop to care because you've stopped feeling altogether after years of disappointment. I guess there are worse things. Like real life.

10:44 PM  
Blogger J. Michaels said...

Ariel never did it for me, but I did once get excited about Sally from "Nightmare Before Christmas."

4:09 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home