Monday, February 14, 2005

My Burning Hot V.D.

Really, when you look at the actual history of Valentine's Day, you really that Western civilization is ultimately doomed to stupidity.

Basically, it is named after St. Valentine, or at least one of the three men named St. Valentine.

The one that it is named after was a Catholic martyr. Ostensibly, he passed a friendly little goodbye note on the last day of his life to the jailer's daughter. He was being killed for refusing to give up Christianity. He signed the note "from your Valentine" because, you know, his name was Valentine. Had his name been, I don't know, Smedley, everyone would be seeking out their Smedley on this day.

However, this is something of an urban legend, albeit an old one, as even the Catholics acknowledge that February 14 was thought to be the day on which birds starting pairing off.

So, in essence, because birds have sex around the middle of February in some parts of world, and because, coincidentally, this happened to be St. Valentine's Day, we have this holiday celebrating the innocence of non-demoninational love.

How is this evidence that Western society will fall? Because of George Bush. Simple as that.

I kid. He is just a sympton - like a single herpes sore is not the entire infection. Yes, I liken him to a single herpes sore.

No, the evidence is that we get everything wrong. We forget why we do the things we do and then make up reasons to explain why we do them.

It is like the monkey and the firehose thing. If you get four monkeys and put them in a room, you can place a red button in the room. Everytime one of the monkeys presses the red button, you can blast them with water from a hose. Monkeys hate that. If you do this enough, the monkeys won't press thr red button.

Now, take one of the monkeys away and replace him with a new monkey. Should that monkey reach for the red button, the other three monkeys will freak out and stop him from pressing it. You can then continue to replace each of the original monkeys until you have four entirely different monkeys than the four you started with.

Whenever a new monkey is introduced, all the monkeys will freak out when it tries to push the red button even if none of them were ever blasted with water.

This is sort of how traditions develop in the real world, too. They were once things that existed for a perfectly good reason, but that reason is now lost to time. Sometimes they contradict the contemporary world but, because they are traditions, many people will not want to abandon them.

We are doomed because we, as a culture, forget why we do things but keep on doing them anyways ever when better ways of doing things come around.

For example, a better way to do Valentine's day would be to just be good to the people you love every day instead of being extranice to them on one day. Call me a lunatic.


Blogger holy said...

A history lesson, Bush bashing, herpes, love, compassion, wet monkeys and a way to make the world a better place all in one post. I'm impressed.

11:34 PM  
Anonymous Steve said...

Please write something uplifting? Lately I've been reading your entries and its always left me with a malicious feeling. Whether it be towards politicians, tireless tactics of bashing them, or dead babies, its just not fun. Perhaps you could dabble in the subject of why pigs, in fact, were never meant to fly. Thankyou.

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Suicide Clown said...

I feel I must abjectly disagree.

5:48 PM  
Anonymous Tony said...

You're a lunatic.

You also have to remember that Valentine's day back then was a different middle of february due to using a different calendar.

3:25 AM  
Anonymous Jeff said...

Beware the Ides of February.

1:48 PM  
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