Thursday, March 03, 2005

Shot in the Arm

Recognizing that I don't have a sufficient amount of time to actually meet people who I want to have sex with and since, truth be told, as a teacher, the only people I usually meet are between 14-18, which is gross, I have decided to look into computer dating.

Dating is too strong a word. The truth of the matter is that I am looking for reasonably clean women who live in my area for thrilling, disease free sex on an occasional basis. To this end, I have actually spent some virtual money on joining a "hook up sexy singles" service.

I have never done this before and there are a number of things that make me nervous. First, the women on the site are all impossibly attractive, which screams "prostitute" to me. I refuse to pay money for sex. Sure, I'll pay money for porn and then masturbate, but paying to actually have sex is much more demeaning than getting off to Real Sex 37.

I am also disturbed by the fact that everyone wants a photo. So far, nobody has asked for a photo of me below the neck, which is good, because none (to my knowledge) exist. This is assuming that nobody took screen shots the last time I was on the KittyMichaelsCam. This is why the cam stays off now. It is for the good of humanity.

Anyhow, I am also worried about the fact that I have no car. Many of the women on this sire fantasize about sex in a seculded spot in a car. I'll either have to rent a car or hire a taxi. I don't have any idea what the etiquette is for asking the driver to step out of the car for a moment, or whether I am supposed to ask him to join in in lieu of a tip.

Basically, I am proving to be as hapless an Interweb lover as one in real life.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you should write stories for the site below.

Many writers there have profiles that describe them, as well as a list of favorite stories/authors. I'm sure if you write stories that fit under several of their many catagories, you can find out more about who you really are and at the same time attract (wo)men who are just like that.

Phase two would invole suggesting a literotica 'writers convention' so likeminded people can get together and discuss 'writing'.

What could go wrong?

Don't ask me to attend, I'm not leaving this chair...


4:50 AM  
Blogger Christoph said...

I have made sex with... five! Interweb girls, and I'm in love with one of them. I met one, even, through this very weblog due to my profile being strikingly similar to hers. How do you think I got Tank Girl and Evanescence as interests? I copied her interest list and told her to fuck me, and she did!

4:07 AM  
Anonymous Tony said...

Oh I get emails from horny housewives whose husbands are out of town, all the time. I'll forward some to you, no matter where you are in the world these women live within a twenty mile radius of you.

4:05 PM  
Blogger Kirk said...

Definitely either ask him to hold the camera or join in in lieu of tip, otherwise, he might leave the meter running while you're going at it, and that can add up to a hefty fare.

8:08 AM  

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